A letter to music…

Today I went to that’s entertainment and filled my arms with all those cd’s I only ever wanted 1 song off and didn't want to pay full price for. And it was when I was listening to one of these songs that I thought wow this takes me back. Then I thought to what? There was no specific memory; it just made me think of being a teenager and thinking how awesome a song was. While my life was rubbish I found happiness in music.

My teenage years were mostly awful. I hated school and hated myself more, but the one thing I loved was my music, I taught myself guitar and started writing songs, getting all my feelings out on paper and making something good out of bad things was such a release.

I’d get really down and just want to go to sleep forever but then I’d put on a certain couple of albums and just hearing someone else describe how I feel gave me the strength to go on.

This is the same now, if I’m sad, angry or happy I've got the perfect thing in my collection to justify my mood and either bring me out of it or sustain it.

Nothing can beat the feeling for me of getting a new cd and sitting listening while reading the lyrics, or being at a gig and singing the lyrics back of my favourite songs, or just putting on a classic and just letting it overtake my body and breathe for me.

Music is the thing that’s been most constant in my life and the thing I can rely upon and love so much. I know I wouldn't be here without it.

So yes this is weird but I just wanted to say thanks to music for being there and although no one knows what the future brings I know I’ll always have it. It helps me be.

Wrist Fusion Surgery - A Year On...

I've been meaning to do my 'a year on' update for a while now, apologies for the tardiness!

I can 100% say having this op was a fantastic decision, my life has completely changed, firstly and most importantly is pain, I'm pain free in my wrist now which is amazing! I can do more now than i could before the op because it doesn't hurt. The only time I've felt any pain since was when i went for a routine arthritis check up and she pressed it really hard, it made my eyes water slightly! 

The only thing that's a bit strange is if you want to pick something up off a flat surface, usually you just do things like that on auto pilot but i have to think about how I'm going to negotiate getting around the fact i cant bend my wrist anymore! but its very much something I'm willing to put up with. 

Movement wise i have almost full rotation back (turning my hand over and back) and full finger movements. I have a slight numbness still on my baby finger knuckle but that is just from where they cut though the little nerve endings, they said this could happen and I'm quite pleased its only a small patch.

Aesthetically my big scar is lovely, i have a circle scar from where the k-wire was in and another small scar from the drain, and although my hand looks a bit wonky only i notice it when I've been staring at it for a while! my arm and wrist area still haven't regained the muscle i lost while out of action so i have a skinny arm, although i am back to lifting flat pack furniture around at work!

This is the rod in in my wrist, you can also see where they cut the ulna head off.

 This is my wrist now

This is the before shot!

Wrist Fusion - 6 Weeks On

It's now 6 weeks on from my wrist fusion surgery, I went to the hospital again today and had my cast cut off. Then i went to x-ray which the doctor said looked good and as it should, then came the moment i was dreading (after watching a scary youtube video)....having my k-wire pulled out. The doc got some crazy plier type tool and yanked until it broke free. Apparently it was a good thing that it was difficult to remove as it means my bones were growing well :-) 
I was then back on my way to therapy for a removable splint and some exercises. I'm allowed to start doing a lot more with it now like driving and holding my toast as i butter it! but obviously no lifting flat packs or weights yet.


I'm really happy with how the whole process has gone and am very pleased with the result. It may look weird, restrict me, and be a long full recovery process, but just to have no pain is an incredible feeling. Don't get me wrong, its been a bit sore and achey but nothing compared to before, and the aches will get less and less as it heals and becomes stronger. I'm also excited at my future, i may not be able to do as much as i could way before it got bad, but it will give me a bit of life back and freedom to start new things.

Wrist fusion surgery :S

28th July 2011, the day I went in for my wrist fusion surgery.

I have suffered with arthritis for 9 years now and its finally eaten away at my wrist enough to need some work done. I had the tough choice to make between a replacement and fusion, and after much googling and chats with the doctor I went for the latter as its my non dominant wrist.

I had barely any movement before my op, and any I did have brought about a lot of really sharp excruciating pain.

So I settle into my bed in wrightington hospital, slightly crapping myself, and the doctor comes round to explain what’s going to go down. The bits I managed to listen to between fretting was that they were going to go with a rod instead of a plate, and as I had a painful ulna head they would wap that off aswell. 

About half 11 I went down for my op, had a nerve block in my arm which completely numbed the whole arm, and was put to sleep. A couple of hours later I was coming round in recovery and gasping for a brew so I got wheeled back to the ward.

I couldn’t feel any pain thanks to the nerve block, I just felt a bit weighed down by the massive elbow length cast that was put on.

I was always under the impression that I would be a day case and could go home later on, but because id had a drain put in that wasn’t to be the case.

Everything was going ok til about 2am when I started being able to move my fingers a bit, over the next 2 hours the block really wore off till I could move all my fingers and start to feel a bit of pain, so I started on the painkillers (2 paracetemol and 2 codeine) which got to work enough to let me sleep.

The next morning I was greeted by some discomfort. I was encouraged to move my fingers as much as possible to stop them stiffening up, which did hurt quite a bit.

I later had my cast changed, which was pretty gross, although I did sneak a look at my wound which looked about as pretty as it could under the circumstances! All 12 stitches of it! They took my drain out and the nurse informed me that the surgeon had put a k-wire in, which after googling once I got home I realised was to hold it all together (not looking forward to having that taken out!)

So then I was to be on my way. Elbow cast, sling and a handful of painkillers in tow.

Over the next few days I decided to stop taking the codeine as it was proper tripping me out. I also noticed the bruising coming out on my fingers which were now a lovely shade of green and purple.

Its now a week after my op and I have to say that it’s a lot less painful than I was expecting. I had really terrible constant pain before so this is a breeze! Its uncomfortable, a bit sore and id say occasionally painful when I probably move it a bit too much, nut nothing on the level as flair up pain.

Obviously everything’s a struggle, I have to have my dinner cut up, take about half an hour to get dressed and can only type with one hand, but I feel positive about it all and cant wait for my next appointment in a weeks time to have a look at how its healing and have a smaller cast put on (which I was promised would be purple!)

I have no idea how its going to be after its healed, but if I had any advise it would be not to worry about the op itself or the first weeks recovery as ive found the worst bit is boredom from being off work!


Update: 2 weeks on now and I've just come home from having my stitches out. its all healing really well apparently. The pain's still very manageable, most of the time now I don't even take any painkillers. I'm having a bit of trouble getting comfortable enough to sleep, but getting there eventually. I've been signed off sick for another 4 weeks. I've had my elbow length cast put back on for one more week then I get it changed for a shorter one. Then I see the doctor again in 4 weeks.


Update: 3 weeks on now and time for another hospital visit. i have experienced a bit of pain this week, probably because it was poked about a bit last week! 
   I had my elbow cast cut off and my wound cleaned up. it was a really weird feeling as the incision site was strangely numb, needless to say it nearly made me faint (again!) but it looked really tidy and was healing well. i had a new purple cast put on and made my way home.

My big boringly-white cast!

 Bruised fingers on day 2

 Bruised fingers on day 6

2 Weeks on, just had stitches out.

 My lovely new cast!

This is where they put the rod in my bones